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Ch�re journal,

cela fait un bon bout que je veux �crire mon journal intime. J'ai d�cid� de le mettre en ligne car je veux le partager avec tous. Il est sur que je vais laisser quelque d�tail (par exemple nom) mais je vais tout mettre en ligne.

J'ai perdu mon emplois...� malheureusement les conditions de travail n'�tait pas tr�s bonne. Ma patronne une libanaise �tait tr�s harcelante et elle ne savait pas comment traiter avec les employ�s. J'�tait leur premier employer. Je suis rester 6 mois. Elle �tait toujours derri�re moi, toujours en traint de me poser des questions sur ce que je faisais. Elle ne me laissait pas la responsabilit� de mon travail. J'ai claquer la porte... et oui je suis parti sur l'heure du dinner sans dire un mot... on avait parler souvent de ce qui ne me plaisait pas, on avait une r�union� mais aucune am�lioration. Il n'on rien fait... il fallait que je leur demande ma paye ainsi que mon slip a chaque jeudi pour qu'il n'oubli pas. Si je prenait mon heure compl�te de diner je me fesait regarder croche...

J'�tait fatiguer de ce travail... je ne pouvais plus continuer sinon j'aurais vraiment sauter des plombs... il �tait temps que je parte. Cela fait 4 jours... je suis pr�sentement en recherche d'emplois et je suis stresser car l'argent ne pousse pas dans les arbres...

Alors allons continuer... ma recherche.

发烧的孩子

�

� 但凡做母亲的都经历过孩子发高烧, 再老练的妈面对高烧的孩子都会六神无主. 孩子发烧的温度与妈妈心焦的程度是成正比的. 一般孩子高烧过后, 几夜不睡的母亲都会变得憔悴不堪.

�

� 敦敦发烧的时候, 除了退烧药, 我还会用心理退烧疗法, 轻轻地抚摸孩子的前额告诉他: “不要怕, 妈妈在你身边, 病会过去的.”

�

��记得去柬埔寨时, 听一位来自瑞士的 “当代白求恩” 作慈善演讲时特别提到, 多年来, 他观察研究了许多与脑结核搏斗的幼儿, 母亲的贴身照顾是决定孩子生存与否的重要条件. 母爱对孩子来说实际上是无副作用的一剂良药. �

�

� 发烧也并不不是没一点好处, 老人常说孩子病一次就长大一些, 不知是否是因为高热过后大脑细胞更活跃了, 还有一些原本不活跃的细胞的功能被激活或者强化了. 敦敦小时候, 每次发烧过后都会变得聪明一些, 突然会做一些原来不会做的事情, 比如说突然会读英文或突然会写字.��

�

�� 孩子长大以后就不会经常发烧了, 但孩子会永远记得自己儿时发烧时母亲疼惜的神情. 母亲也会永远记得孩子烧得通红的小脸. 对于父母，孩子成才与否并不是最重要的, 最重要的是孩子成长的过程, 这过程就包括孩子长大之前的N次发烧.

�

Have a good day Today was a fair day for.

If any reader had been chasing my continously journal...

u should understand dat.....dis isnt the matter of 1...but 3...

Road seperated into 3...i had only 1 choice...n i belive i made the right 1...

the other 2 was�some unneccessary sacrifice...

the truth of world...u are unable to obtain something precious unless u sacrific

something having the same value of it.....

u could chose to stay at the 1st place....

but u seem to hav regreted now.....

it's too late to look back now....

juz keep walking....aim for ur dreams..

(9/4/2008)

gud luck on your journey...

Hi!

Woot! I got a comment. It was only one, but I am proud. Thank you, whoever you are, but since I seem to be technologically retarded I can't see who sent it. Ah well. Thank you anyways.

Ouache. Today wasn't so hot. Not only do I feel like I've been run over by a truck (God smite whoever it was that made the common cold. If it was actually God, then nevermind, as that would be slighty counterproductive.), but I have approximately...�5 (no joke) projects due next week. None of them even started. Whoops-a-daisy. As someone very wise once said: "What do we want? Procrastination! When do we want it? Later!" Ahahaha. That one always makes me laugh. Besides the cold and/or the projects, though, life is normal. Field trip today. Nothing too extreme (woot woot for museums... I love them :D ) but still, I would KILL to try on one of those dresses ; ). Don't even ask.

I heard that one of my favourite books MIGHT be made into a movie, and that there MIGHT, MIGHT be open casting. I would die of joy. Which would, of course, completely destroy any chances of me actually getting into the movie, but.... :P. Ahaha.

SSSIPSNWNJIV (a shortened version of a nickname for one of my best friends) and I had another pointless conversation today. Pfft. What's new about that? Nothing. Sometimes we get along fine... Other times.... Not so fine. She's an over-the-top, let-me-beat-some-biblical-sense-into-you,-unbeliever kind of person. That is, when she's in that particular mood. God forbid I say something like God forbid in her presence. Out comes the Bible. "In John 23:3, he says..." No. She's not as extreme to carry a Bible on her person at all times, much less quote it off the top of her head. As SHE says, "Why, I've only just got past Genesis!" Which means absolutely nothing to me (it's at the beginning of the Bible, I think...). Nonetheless, she has a tendency to punch me rather hard in the arm if I mention anything like her joining a street gang whose idol is Jesus. THEN I get it. Or even say, Oh God, or Oh My God. She glares. It is exasperating, I must say. Why should she control what I say? Doesn't she understand that I will say what I want to?? Even if it drives her to distraction? SSSIPSNWNJIV--fouiche, that is LONG. Let's call her Charlotte, shall we?-- Well, Char doesn't seem to care. She wants her way. We're really too headstrong for each other.

Good book recommendation of the day: A Great and Terrible Beauty, by Libba Bray. It is a Victorian age Gothic with a bit�of fantasy (woot for fantasy!). I think the people who like it most would be young adults... but you can try it anyways!

I will go now. Foooooood time.

~Annabel

Good Morning,

Life lately has been a bit difficult.

Chase (ex) broke up with me a little over 2 weeks ago and I seem to be taking it badly. I though that we had a future together and we had all these plans and then poof! he was done. He can be a good person, but he has not been that great to me. You would think that I would move on already from a guy who treated me badly. Im getting there.

My mom died almost 5 months ago and it didnt truely didnt hit me until recently.� Now that I need her to talk to her about everything that is going on......I cant! I miss her so much and wish that the last few years could have been different. I usually dont regret anything, but when it comes to my mom I do.

I wish I was around more before she died.

I wish that I didnt fight with her about stupid stuff.

I wish that I could have gotten married and had a child before she died.

Getting married will never be the same anymore. I wont have my mom to give me advise. Be there to cry with me as I walk down the isle.�Or tell me how beautiful I look.

Having children used to be something that I looked forward to. Now I dont know if I could have any. Knowing that my mom wont be in the delivery room or be there for their first time they talk, walk, or school events. I need a mom!

Time to vent is over. Time to carry on the day. Time to be positive.

��������� On Tuesday, April 8th, 2008, my grandma passed away. She was in rehab and we all thought that she was getting better. Then over the weekend we found out that she had caught a disease and was in the hospital again. It was called C-def or something like that and it messed with her intestines. Also my parents told me that her pnemonia came back.

�������� Monday night� someone from the family called and said that her blood pressure had dropped dangerously low and they rushed to the hospital. Grandma had hit lows before and i hadn't worried much about her. My parents were there all night so i went to sleep. The next morning my dad called us into their room. My mom told me that my grandma had passed away. Her blood pressure had dropped so low that her heart finally stopped. I have never cried so hard in my entire life.

������ How could this have happened? The last time before she was in the hospital, she looked totally healthy. Our year revolves around her. Every holiday is spent with her. I can't imagine not seeing her up at the lake, or at christmas, or at easter. Next time mom doesn't know what to do she can't call her. Its almost surreal that she's gone. I'm going to miss her so much.

������It feels like someone has clawed at my heart. Just thinking about her makes my heart, and body feel like its being weighed down. I went to school today and i thought of her almost all day. Every one said i was sorry. I have no idea what to do with that. all i said was "i'm fine" and "it's ok". I didn't know what else to do. tomorrow is the wake and friday is the funeral. I have no idea how i'm going to deal. All i can think about is running. Its the one thing that i've done today thats made me feel GOOD. i'll probably run all weekend.

��� What makes it worse is that she hated all of it. I couldn't even go into see her the first month or so. I was scared. I had never seen grandma sick, and seeing her anything but healthy scared me to death. I thought that if i saw her really bad i would never have hope that she would get better. Finally when i saw her i�was not scared, but heartbroken, to see her that way. she deserved better. she was an amazing woman and didn't�deserve how to go through that. I hated how she was weak and� it hurt to see her that way. I might have been happier�if i had more time with her,�and i�would have been more than delighted for her to�not have gone in that�way. Hopefully the lord is treating her the way she deserves. I am going to miss her so much. that phrase is said�so many times, and until�you�have lost something, you never truely know how much�meaning�it really has. �

Hi there!

Not quite sure why I joined this website.... No offense, Inbox Journal! But I guess I just wanted a place where I could say what I wanted to without having to fear the wrath of either my fellow students or my familiars.�Not so easy a thing to do, when you're me.�

Hmm... where to start? I am not going to say how old I am, my name, or where I live (duh.), but you can call me... hmmm.... Annabel. Please refrain for leaving�disparaging comments, because I am very sensitive, no matter how indifferent I seem to be.

I have always been... different. Where everyone else would enjoy immense pleasure talking about the latest gossip and fashions, I would enjoy equal pleasure in discussing my latest favourite authour with fellow literary maniacs. I just can't seem to be like everyone else. And trust me, I've tried. And I'm not going to fly off here to say how incredibly special I am and that I will actually be the saviour of the world. I'm also not going to ramble off on an angsty tangent about how the whole world hates me. It doesn't hate me. We're just very different.

I have tried to like the things that you would expect me to, but I just can't. I cannot commmit myself to a life that revolves around those those things. I would be bored within a day, and then I would start sneaking off to my closet to read fantasy books in secret. (Which would of course create a whole separate gossip mill in my name.) Most people would pop in here, completely idealistic, and say that I'm allowed to be whoever I want and that the world can't stop me. I try my best. I really do. And most of the time I succeed. But sometimes I have to stop myself due to the looks I get. They make me feel so stupid sometimes. I know that�their opinions shouldn't matter to me. I try so hard to be strong. Sometimes, though, my shield just cracks and all their snide comments get through to me.

I will try not to be overly depressing (although I doubt that anyone will read this). I just can't say anything anywhere else because then I get either weird looks or laughed at. Not laughed at mockingly, but kind of like "Haha, you're so funny, Annabel, now say what you really do think." Which they expect to be exactly what THEY think. Which it isn't. I have a hard time saying what I think. I have a hard time backing up what I think. Mostly because I've never had enough self confidence to stand up to those in a different caste than me (you don't even understand the school-based caste system here.).

Hah. So much for not being depressing and angsty. I promise it won't happen again. Unless I am feeling particularly angsty that particular day.

Well, I am going to go now. I don't know who to address this to, seeing as I don't think that anyone will care about the moody ramblings and prose of a girl who has no one else to say this to.

Not expecting anyone to read this, or much less comment on it,

Annabel